Sermon for the 2010 X-day drill

July 5, 2010 § Leave a comment

Ah.The traditional X-day merriments. The whole yeti clan gathers before their homemade UFO to fight over who gets to go; trying to pin the blame for the no-show on each other, and killing and eating the weakest member.

What’s with all this killing and eating, anyway? What happened to gloating over the writhing, still living wreckage that was your hated enemy? For that matter, what happened to keeping humans as pets? Don’t you know that some of the most beloved pet breeds are going extinct? Last week the owners report that the last morlock keeps attempting to lay its eggs in the narrow-breasted whorehopper that shares its cage. Breeds completely unsuited to real life are running feral in the city streets and boardrooms. Help keep a proud tradition alive, and adopt a human today! The ayatollah by the door will collect your voluntary donations to the cause.

What?

Yes, yes. We know, we know. We’re all still here. No laser-shooting eyes. But Reverend The First is working on a new system of haruspicy for calibrating our calendars. When the saucers come, the faithful of the Exploding Judas Ministries will be first to be borne aloft in a column of light and bursting buildings! Rejoice, or Else!

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