Sermon for Clone Day

October 7, 2010 § Leave a comment


We were in a biblical frame of mind on the twenty-third of May 1943, at the Berghof. He had denied himself children because he knew that no son could flourish in the shadow of so godlike a father! But when he heard what was theoretically possible, that I could create one day not his son, not even a carbon-copy but another original, he was thrilled by the idea! The right Hitler for the right future! A Hitler tailor-made for the 1980s, 90s, 2000!

Happy clone day everyone! I see many of you brought the little ones along. Have you lil’ abominations had a good clone day so far, then?

Whoa, yeah. Looking forward to your clone day probing, eh?
So, this is the day when we celebrate our clones. But in all the fun and hijinks, it’s easy to forget why we set aside this day to let them out of their cages and pour some precious slack on their quivering fetal skin. In the fullness of time, some of us may come to think such things as “What has my clone done for ME lately” – yeah, I know, but it’s important to admit to these things – and even “Why, oh why did I decide to cultivate a little copy of myself, a twisted mini-me to take my place and do my bidding on earth when the X-ists finally whisk me away from this hellhole”?

Because in the sanctum of our brains, we know WHY; but sometimes, it’s hard to make the heart follow with a why of its own. But think about it, folks; is it not the greatest possible sacrifice to St. Narcissus, to acknowledge that you are so great, so glorious, that the world NEEDS, nay, CLAMOURS for another one of you? And is it not comforting to know, that although the saucers may come for you, you will leave behind someone just like you to rule the irradiated survivors scraping a living in the blaster-scarred antarctic deserts with a uranium fist.

I can see the little ones are looking forward to it even now. Bless their abnormally large hearts, every one of them.



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