Sermon for Rush to Judgement Day

September 12, 2013 § Leave a comment

IT IS WRITTEN:

“Thwwaack…Can you feel the GUILT DEMONS leaving your body,
as I SPANK YOU? Do you NEED MORE……?”
-Reverend Nickie Deathchick

There are so many things that “Bob” should be doing, or never did, or actually did while I definitely wasn’t near the place.

But can you truly blame “Bob” for absolutely any thing?

Could “Bob” be identified as the guilty party even when he wasn’t directly involved?

Yes. It has been definitively proven that Everything is “Bob”‘s fault.

In fact, when you examine the evidence properly, you will see that whenever something happens that you do not feel like suffering the consequences for, that’s how things really were all along. Somehow, it was “Bob”. Despite this, you may feel a secret anaconda of guilt in need of placing writhing in your guts, but be too shy to admit to it. Sometimes we are too proud; sometimes we fear being hunted down and torn to bits and having our bits fucked by wild racoons while pinks and traitors cheer the racoons on.

These feelings of responsibility and self-respect can prevent us from aquiring Slack.

But admitting that what happened was wrong and blaming “Bob” for it gives us the opportunity to spread his word and expand his sacred Church and his Fellowship, making everything all right once again.

Blaming “Bob” can change something inside us, both for the SubGenius who places the blame, and all who bear witness to it.

Maybe you should really blame “Bob” for your clenchmates, for your j*b, or for your inability to pass for human at inconvenient moments? Have you tried doing that?

To publicly and loudly blame “Bob” is to enter into a new sort of closeness with “Bob”, a new kind of communion of Slack.

As you point the finger of accusation and place responsibility for any unfortunate occurrences that may or may not have happened in the past somewhere else, rather than with your immediate person, a kind of intimacy will occur between you and all present.

As you admit to yet again having been conned by “Bob”, you will all feel that you have been brought closer in devolution.

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