On Subsistence in a world without Slack

April 8, 2014 § Leave a comment

Here’s the secret: All you really need to survive this dreadful, slackless existence until X-day arrives to rescue us all is a warm, humid climate all year-round and some frop fields – everything else is extra.

Unfortunately, the majority of Church Clenches flock to the cities, most of which are in the temperate zones. Here, life-shortening w*rk, predation by cow-orkers, roving gangs of bozos and the cold winds of Pink hatred are braved for the paltry technological geegaws of the Conspiracy, maintaining the sado-masochistic indentured lifestyles we have all become addicted to. The influence of our most revered Church teachers, handing down most efficiacious techniques such as Time Control, Acubeating and Morrealist Excess has taught us to live faster and more intensely, but more dangerously as well. The Slack which our Yeti ancestors used a century to accumulate in the past we can now cram into just 10!

Unfortunately, by trying to outpace the Conspiracy, we are burning ever more brightly and quickly. It is a great and interesting experiment we are all in, but it will not last. Eventually, unless the godsdamned pleasure saucers take some time out of their busy schedule and decide to turn up already, we will all have to pay Dobbs the full price of our high living and return to a simpler and more slackly-paced lifestyle.

Keep in mind that when that most glorious of days, X-day, arrives, the cities will of course be hardest hit, as they are the most slackless zones and will have accumulated the greatest number of grudges borne by the SubGenii forced to endure them. Until the great cosmic hitch-hiking event is complete, the farm boys, hicks and and multitude of species of rogue SubGeniuses in the deep woods, who are more self-sufficient, will fare much better, especially if they are living in the tropical or semi-tropical regions of the planet. Best of all will be those who have trained themselves to subsist on little but pure Slack and frop, or even nothing but Slack, and who are living in the warmer and more Slackful regions of the planet.

So keep sending that cash to “Bob” – praying that he’ll make it all go away BEFORE it comes to that!

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You are currently reading On Subsistence in a world without Slack at the Exploding st. Judas Ministry to the Lemurs.

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