Things to do when you’re a SubGenius in need

March 19, 2014 § Leave a comment

1. Excremeditate.

2. Operation Mindfuck Needs YOU! Join the Apple Corps today!

3. Devivalism

4. Self-devolution

5.  Start a band. Use it as a cover story to make the Glorps ignore your Conspiracy-incompatible ways.

6. Ranting

7. Raving

8. Pouncing


10. Arteesteserie.

11. Build your own UFO

12. Forbidden Science


14. Activate the Carnivorous Stage of your lifecycle

15. Assign a new Short Duration Personal Savior.

16. Find “Bob”, and KILL HIM.

17. Glandscaping

18. Fuck something.

19. Become a Lemur. Go to live with your brethren in the jungles of Madagascar.

20. Try one of the latest Arcturan sexual orientations.

21. Join the hive-building vulture chimps. Learn their ways. Become as one of them. Forget your true SubGenius self, until, one day, you encounter an image of a strangely familiar face while “browsing” the internet…

22. Find a Pink. Act Normal at it.

23. SHOW UP! Because if you don’t SHOW UP, how can you even begin do partake of the other funderful things “Bob”‘s Church has laid on for you? So FUCKING SHOW UP!

April 26, 2013 § Leave a comment

Slack is the basic living substance of all the stupid questions.
-Reverend Zeppo of the Taphouse Cabal, on Slack

November 17, 2012 § Leave a comment

Plastic should be set above all mortals, forever.
-Reverend Zeppo of the Taphouse Cabal, On Plastic

November 8, 2012 § Leave a comment

Please rest assured that your soul grows sick with longing for the rest of our a priori concepts.
-Reverend Zeppo of the Taphouse Cabal, reassuring his flock.

October 22, 2012 § Leave a comment

A round man cannot be a slippery ride! Next stop syphilis junction! Allll abooooooaaaard!
Reverend Zeppo of the Taphouse Cabal, On Various Venereal Diseases

October 20, 2012 § Leave a comment

Give me lemurs, in the morning.
-Reverend Zeppo of the Taphouse Cabal, on morning lemurs.

July 25, 2012 § Leave a comment

The zombie wulrus apocalypse is nearly an infinity between zero and almost defiant.
-Reverend Zeppo of the Taphouse Cabal, on the coming of the zombie wooly walrus horde.

July 9, 2012 § Leave a comment

Ye shall not sleep, the clowns will eat you.
-Reverend Zeppo of the Taphouse Cabal, On Clowns.

June 20, 2012 § Leave a comment

Remember this truism: we can’t keep weapons out of your blood.
-Reverend Zeppo of the Taphouse Cabal, on the weapons we put in your blood.

June 12, 2012 § Leave a comment

You’re a robot, I am Messiah! I am tired of this ancient historic tale.
-Reverend Zeppo of the Taphouse Cabal, on the Messiah.

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