Sermon for Whiny Victimization/ Co-Dependency Day

IT IS WRITTEN:

You make me hate “Bob”.

Usenet SubGeniuses are like the Westboro Baptists of the Church of the  SubGenius.

So you hate “Bob”, do you? Well, whaddyaknow; “Bob” hates you too! With a fiery, vile passion that has mutated and grown into a throbbing amourphous mass over the years. If you could but see him today! It’s like those pictures of Tasmanian Devils with the contagious viral marsupial cancer.

Yes, I said it. I said it and I’m not taking it back. YOU ARE LIKE CONTAGIOUS VIRAL MARSUPIAL CANCER! You make baby “Bob” cry bitter, hate- blackened inky tears.

“But why?” I see you asking yourself, as you clench your fists and bow your head in shameful despair down there by the frop bar – yes, you, that’s YOU I’m talking about! You thought this was some kind of faggy metaphor for the gargantuan shortcomings of all SubGenes? No. You are the one. The one “Bob” hates. And you alone. No one else.

GET HIM! GET HIM MY PRETTIES, AND BRING ME HIS RIBCAGE SO THAT I MAY FESTOON IT WITH COLOURFUL RIBBONS AND WEAR IT AS A HAT!